Top Elder Law Myths Busted: Protect Your Family with the Right Plan

In this episode of Advice From Your Advocates, Elder Law Attorney Bob Mannor and Certified Dementia Practitioner Savannah Meksto team up to bust some of the most common myths in estate planning & elder law—and offer real-life advice for families caring for a loved one with dementia.

From “I have a will, so I’m all set” to misunderstandings about Medicaid penalties and asset transfers, Bob and Savannah tackle the legal misconceptions that can lead families astray. They also share actionable caregiving tips to help reduce burnout, create routines, and build a supportive care environment.

💡 Takeaways include:

• Why estate planning isn’t just about documents—it’s about strategy
• How simplifying routines can ease confusion for dementia patients
• What caregivers really need to hear (like: it’s okay to ask for help!)
• The truth about wills, Medicaid rules, and power of attorney
• Resources and events for aging families in Michigan

Whether you're navigating long-term care, caregiving, or just planning ahead, this episode offers expert insight to lighten the load—and help you and your family feel more prepared.

Host: Attorney Bob Mannor

Co-Host & Executive Producer: Savannah Meksto, CDP

Chapters

• 0:00 Show Introduction & Estate Planning Myths
• 1:55 Caregiver Tips for Dementia Patients
• 3:44 The Truth About Wills and Probate
• 5:47 Medicaid Myths and Asset Protection
• 8:25 Manor Law Group Services Overview
• 9:04 More Essential Caregiver Tips
• 12:34 Listener Questions and Final Advice
• 19:00 Episode Wrap-up

Transcript

Savannah Meksto: 0:00

You're listening to Advice from your Advocates, a show where we provide elder law advice to professionals who work with the elderly and their families.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 0:10

Good morning everyone. I'm Bob Mannor. I'm an elder law attorney and today we've got a great show. We're going to cover some really important topics about legal and estate planning, caregiving and long-term care. This is especially important if you have someone in your family that has dementia or Alzheimer's. So stay tuned, because we've got some great tips for you.

Savannah Meksto: 0:29

And I'm Savannah Meksto, certified dementia practitioner. We'll be debunking some common myths about planning and caregiving, but we've also got helpful practical tips for those of you taking care of loved ones with dementia, Whether you're in the car or at home. Grab a pen, because this could make a real difference for you and your family. Well, maybe don't grab a pen if you're in the car but, listen real close, if you are All right.

Savannah Meksto: 0:53

let's dive into some of the common misconceptions about estate planning. The first myth or misconception I don't need a plan, I'll just rely on my family to figure it out. Bob, you've heard this one before, right.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 1:10

Yes, absolutely, and you know it is a myth, because the thing is it just makes it much more difficult on your family for a variety of reasons, and this is true for anybody, you know, whether you it's just a simple will or powers of attorney or some people who want to do a revocable trust, but the idea is that having that planned out for your family is so important to make the crisis a little bit easier on them. This is extra important if there's a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer's, because there will likely come a time that that person that has dementia or Alzheimer's will not be able to participate in their daily activities or making decisions anymore. So it's even more important that we don't leave that to a crisis, because it's so much more difficult on the family if we don't have a plan in place ahead of time.

Savannah Meksto: 1:53

Exactly, Bob. And that actually brings us to this quick segment that I wanted to throw in today for caregiver tips. If you are taking care of a loved one with dementia, one of the most important and helpful things you can do is create a daily routine. Predictability helps reduce confusion and stress for your loved one. It can also ease the pressure for you. But it's important to consider the routine of the person that you're caring for. If this person was maybe a night owl in their normal everyday life, maybe they were staying up till 3 in the morning working on baseball cards at the dining room table. Well, that person might not want to go to bed at 730 pm. So when you are creating that routine, think about the person that you're caring for.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 2:33

And don't be afraid to ask for help. It is very important that the family caregivers get some support and of course, we sometimes will lean on family right, we'll ask for our children's help or you know other people in the family that can help out. But it's really important that the caregiver is not a 24-hour-a-day caregiver, you know, seven days a week. This happens so often and it will not only could lead to burnout, but it also could lead to bad health. Not only could lead to burnout, but it also could lead to bad health, and the worst thing that could happen is the caregiver now gets sick or the caregiver now has. You know, some could even die. In fact, they tell us that. The statistics tell us caregiver spouses often will die before the spouse with dementia or Alzheimer's. And so just make sure that part of the plan is to get outside help, whether it be from family or paid help through paid caregiving organizations and home care companies, and there's lots of resources.

Savannah Meksto: 3:29

That's such good advice and we actually have a couple more tips later on in the show. So stay tuned and keep listening. To go ahead and get back to our myths and I wanted to throw this one out there, because this is one that we hear a lot and it's actually something that I've seen on TV before. And, confession, I thought that this was actually like a real thing and I didn't know that it wasn't a real thing until I started working at Manor Law Group. So this myth it's kind of a two for one and you'll see what I'm talking about. So here we go. If I have a will, I'm all set. When I die, my family will learn all they need to know at the will reading with my attorney.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 4:04

Yeah, that's more of a Hollywood thing than real life. Very rarely is there a reading of the will. Most of the family will have already read the will or other operative legal documents before they even meet with the attorney, and so the will itself actually does not have any legal effect without a court giving it a legal effect. So I'll often, you know, I'll ask the question to folks well, when does the will take effect? And always everybody will answer when you die, right, well, it's not actually accurate because, well, it doesn't take effect until you die.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 4:39

It also doesn't take effect until a judge gives it effect, until a judge issues an order called a letter of authority. That would be the probate judge. So you can't take the will to the bank and say, well, I'm the executor under the will, I'm the personal representative under the will, so I need access to this bank account. The bank will say, well, where's your letter of authority from the judge? Can't take it to a realtor to sell the house. The realtor is going to say where's your letter of authority from the judge? So a will, if we're going to look at a will to see where something goes, it has to go through that probate process and there are ways to avoid that, of course, but the will is not the way there is. We always recommend that people have a will, but we usually try to use other, alternative ways to transfer assets and make sure that things are going to go the way that you want them to, but the will is only a part of that package.

Savannah Meksto: 5:26

Yeah, that's so important, and it's also important for caregivers of people with Alzheimer's or dementia. Just to think about that. Having these documents ready ensures that decisions can be made smoothly if your loved one can no longer make those decisions in the future. Another common myth that we have is I'll just transfer everything to my kids to qualify for Medicaid.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 5:48

Yeah, no, don't do that. And I'm not saying that your kids aren't trustworthy, I'm not saying anything like that. There is a penalty for transferring or gifting assets away. Now what they do is they look back five years and so you say well, how do they know? Well, guess what? They're the government.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 6:06

And not only are they the government, but if you need help paying for care, whether it be in your home, in an assisted living or an independent living or even a nursing home, which can be some of the most expensive options then you'll have to apply for this benefit. It's not like Medicare. Well, if you turn 65, you're probably going to get Medicare, and lots of other people are on Medicare. But this is another program called Medicaid, and we also look at it from the standpoint of veterans benefits. And both of those programs veterans benefits and Medicaid have a look back, where they look and see what you did with your money. And so not only do they have a mechanism they call it asset verification to check and see what happened with your money, so that they can check with the banks and do their own independent research. You have an affirmative obligation to tell them what you did with your money. And if you can't explain it, then they're going to assume it was a gift and they're going to penalize you.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 6:58

So let me give you an example, because I'll have people try to. You know I don't think they're serious about it, but they're trying to figure out. Is there a way around this? So they say, well, how do they know? I just didn't lose, you know, $30,000 at the casino. And I say, well, then you'd have to prove that you lost $30,000 at the casino. Because if they flag that $30,000 and they say, well, what happened to this? And you say I lost it at the casino, they say prove it. And if you can't prove it, they're going to presume it was a transfer or gift and they're going to provide a Medicaid or veterans benefits penalty because of that If you can't prove what happened to that money. So usually we can, because the money's in the bank, but they'll see when the money left the bank and then they'll ask those questions about what happened to that money.

Savannah Meksto: 7:39

Yeah, absolutely. And let's be real, transferring your assets puts your kids, your adult children, at risk if that adult child faces financial trouble or a divorce. But that's really a whole other, different conversation that we could probably talk about for like a whole episode in itself.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 7:56

Yeah, we'll probably do a whole episode on what I call the four D's. When you add your kids' names to accounts or things like that death, disability what are the four D's? Death, disability, divorce and Is being dumb. Hi, I'm Bob Manor, an elder law attorney with Manor Law Group. If you're caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's or dementia, we know it can be very overwhelming. Finding the right care, how we're going to afford care and navigating the maze of the many options can be very difficult. Well, that's where Manor Law Group comes in. At Manor Law Group, we have care navigation services, along with help with finding the right government benefits to pay for that care. So we're here to guide you with every step of the way and we'll help you find, get and afford to have your loved one get the care that they need so that you can focus on family. Call us today at 1-800-990-6030 or visit us online at manorlawgroupcom Let us help you care for the ones that need it most.

Savannah Meksto: 8:54

Well, you are listening to Advice from your Advocate and, if you're just tuning in, we just wrapped up some really important myths on estate planning and actually long-term care planning as well. Now I would like to go ahead and start our next segment, which is a carryover of our tips for dementia caregivers, and I would really like to share a couple more just, important tips that we have, and these are tips that we've learned along the way, either from other advocates or dementia professionals that we've spoken with on our show, our podcast that we have of the same name Advice from your Advocates, or just tips that we've learned from Bob's 20 plus years of experience as an elder law attorney. So the first tip, to simplify the environment too much clutter or even too much noise can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. Clutter or even too much noise can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. So it's really important, if you can, to try to keep things organized and just create quiet spaces for relaxation. Do you have any sort of feedback on that?

Attorney Bob Mannor: 9:50

Yeah, that's a great point. I actually want to add a little bit to that. So you know I've got. I'm lucky enough to have this podcast where we get to interview experts from all over the world on dementia and related things, and one of the things I keep hearing over and over again is sometimes what's making the dementia worse is the inability of the person to really interact with their environment. So if they're not wearing hearing aids, if they need glasses and they're not getting the correct division, so now we already have this brain issue, that is, the connections aren't all working right, and now we're giving them a further deficit where they're having a difficulty interacting with their environment because they don't hear as well, because they're not using their hearing aids or they don't have their glasses or other reasons why that it's more difficult for people to interact and that will sometimes make the dementia worse.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 10:37

The symptoms get worse. It's also very important that we keep up physical activity. Sometimes we talk about some families. When they get a diagnosis of dementia, they kind of cocoon into their house. They just kind of go in and don't want to leave the house, don't want to sort of expose things to others, and that's really a bad idea. If we can still get to the gym, get to the track, you could join a walking club, all these different things. It will add so much quality to the remaining years, even with dementia, and it can lessen those symptoms.

Savannah Meksto: 11:13

Absolutely With that physical activity. It can be a short walk, or it can even just be stretching standing up. You know if you can, whatever you're able to do or your person is able to do, but it does. It helps with mood, it helps keep your person engaged and it's really good for you too as a caregiver to get up and move around and caregiving it's hard and my heart really, just truly goes out to you and we know it's a 24-7 job, but it's really important to take that little bit of time for yourself.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 11:40

And you don't have to do it alone. One of the things that we do in our office at Manor Law Group is that we help work with families and help them find the resources, help them find that respite care so that the caregiver can take a break. I think it's really important that we have opportunities to go visit family. I had somebody in the office the other day and they had a new grandbaby, but it was in another state and they felt like they couldn't go because they were taking care of their husband with dementia, and so I thought that was really important that they got to go and see the new grandbaby. So we put some resources together and came up with a way that we knew that the husband was going to be well taken care of. No-transcript.

Savannah Meksto: 12:25

No, we did that. That's really cool. Thank you so much. If you're just tuning in, this is advice from your advocates. We're going to go ahead and get to some listener questions. Bob, I think that you might be able to share the first question with us.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 12:37

Okay, I get this question a lot and it is whether we should put the house in the kids' names or add their names to the deed to protect it from nursing home, and the answer is no. You should not do that for a number of reasons. People have often heard this term ladybird deed and so we will get into that concept on one of our shows. Ladybird deeds are a little bit different than just adding somebody's name. It's kind of like adding a beneficiary to the deed, but that has its own set of complications. I could absolutely go and talk for about an hour on ladybird deeds, but we're not going to spend that time on that today. The question from the listener was should I just put their names on it so that it'd be protected from the nursing home? The answer is that actually does not necessarily protect it from the nursing home.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 13:24

Deeds are very nuanced and people don't always realize how nuanced a deed can be to the extent that we're having to fix poorly drafted deeds several times a month and one or two word difference. It looks so simple because it's often just one or two pages long and it looks so simple but a few words here or there or if it doesn't have the exact words that we need, it will not accomplish the task that you're trying to accomplish. So it's real important to use a lawyer when you're drafting deeds number one. Number two is it actually doesn't save the asset, because if we have to sell it, then they still count that as all of the parents' asset. It would be counted as a gift because you added kids' names to it. Now that's going to be considered a penalty for gifting, even though they didn't really get anything. They just got their names added to the deed. That would qualify as a gifting penalty. There's a number of other reasons why I don't like people adding their kids' names to deeds, but those are two really good ones.

Savannah Meksto: 14:24

Yeah, it's all about finding the safest way to protect your assets without creating that unnecessary risk. So we do have one last question, and this one hits close to home for a lot of people. My dad's health is declining and he doesn't have an estate plan in place. What's the first step that they should take, bob?

Attorney Bob Mannor: 14:41

So it's a great question and this is, you know, commonly how people reach out to our office is in that situation. So you know, lawyers are all a little different in their processes and things like that, but in our office we often believe that we need to include the family in the conversation. So some lawyers will say, oh, only dad can come in, the rest of the family has to sit out in the hall and the lawyer will only talk to dad. Well, if dad's already kind of experiencing some memory issues or things like that, that can be challenging and the family doesn't get their questions fully answered. So we're a big believer in let's not have a situation where one son is influencing dad to give him all the money. You know we don't want to have that, but we do. If we can get all of the family involved, that's even better. Let's all sit around a table together and figure out what's best for dad. And that is something that we allow in our office and we actually recommend, so that the whole family can kind of be involved, ask their questions, and it makes it less likely that there's going to be some family squabbling or fights later on, because we all got together, sat around a table and came up with a plan that was best to protect dad.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 15:58

Now, in that situation, we're going to be looking at two different things. One is we're going to look at make sure we have those legal documents in place, those permissions in place, so that dad doesn't end up in court if he becomes incapacitated. But the second thing is we're going to start looking towards making a plan for if dad needs some help, some caregivers in the home, or if we have to someday look at assisted living or memory care or nursing home or anything like that. And so, as part of that conversation, we're going to start talking about well, here's the options out there, here's the government programs that can help pay for it. We're going to figure out what dad qualifies for and what dad doesn't qualify for, so that we're really kind of moving it forward to the extent that when the next crisis happens, when there's a fall, when there's a stroke, when there's some other incident that we now feel like, okay, we have to do something differently. We already have some parts of the plan already in place.

Savannah Meksto: 16:52

So, aside I have a question actually so, aside from the benefits of, like you said, us, helping find the care, find, you know, the support that dad or the family needs, why would someone come to an elder law attorney? Because you can get some of these documents online.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 17:07

Yeah, good question.

Savannah Meksto: 17:08

So what's the benefit of coming to CU for that part too?

Attorney Bob Mannor: 17:12

So I was telling Savannah on the last episode of Advice from your Advocates I'm not so good with tools, I can't. I'm not going to remodel my kitchen or remodel my bathroom that's not within my skill set. But I have tools. I have a lot of really nice tools in my toolbox. You have concepts of tools, yes, but I have tools. I have a lot of really nice tools in my toolbox. You have concepts of tools. Yes, and the thing, what the funny thing is, I have these tools but they don't do me any good. Just because I have a fancy tool doesn't mean that my bathroom is going to get remodeled. I need to hire somebody else to do that that has that expertise and has that understanding of how to do that.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 17:45

Legal documents are just tools and they only work when you know how to use them. And so we get so often when people say well, I have a will and that should all be all I need. Well, if you're alive, your will is not going to do anything for you. The will only applies after your death.

Attorney Bob Mannor: 17:59

Specifically when it comes to dementia, those types of things, there are so many different rules that apply that even most lawyers aren't going to have a full understanding of what options you have, and so that's why elder law came about, because we need to not only just say, okay, we've got a will, we've got a trust, we've got a power of attorney. We also have to think of it in context of these government programs and making sure that we're applying for those properly and setting our families up in the best way for that. And that is so important, and a lot of lawyers aren't going to have that kind of experience. They never would have had an opportunity to file a veteran's application for benefits or a Medicaid application for benefits, and the rules are very cumbersome, and so it's our job to know those rules inside and out so that we can get you the best results and protect your assets and get you the best care that we can get you.

Savannah Meksto: 18:55

You're listening to Advice from your Advocates. That's a wrap for today. We've busted some myths and shared tips for caregivers of loved ones with dementia. Remember that planning ahead can save your family a lot of stress and, if you liked what you heard, check out our podcast, Advice From your Advocates, where we dive deeper into these topics with advocates from literally all over the world. Find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio and you can even watch our videos on YouTube. Thanks again for tuning in to Advice From your Advocates, where care meets clarity. Thanks for listening. To learn more, visit mannorlawgroup. com.